Death Doesn’t Have to Be the Final Goodbye
The cloud of darkness that turned into a ray of hope
You may be more intimately acquainted with the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Grief hits in waves at unexpected times. It’s widely accepted that everyone deals with grief differently but experiences some form of all five stages during the grieving process. I believe beyond acceptance is a stage not mentioned…hope.
Whether it’s the loss of a relationship, loved one, or something in your life, it is all grief and it takes time to heal. It’s okay to not be okay. From my personal experience, the sting of grief lessens over time but it is still always there buried beneath the memories of something or someone lost.
Since the known history of mankind, there has been a mention of something beyond death within nearly every belief system. The belief of secularism is a fairly newer concept that developed in the Renaissance period, originating in Italy during the 14th century.
Secularism is defined as any movement in society directed away from otherworldliness to life on earth (Britannica). The thread that bridges the gap between death and the afterlife is a belief in something more which produces this final stage of grief, hope.
What I personally discovered after loss, there were times it felt there was a cloud of darkness hovering over me but it eventually evolved into hope. A hope that I will once again see my loved ones and that death is not the final goodbye. Hope that gave me a spring back in my step and a sparkle in my eyes.
Just one month ago, I lost my niece that I never got to meet, Suzy Ruth. No one understands why it happened or what went wrong but she’s no longer here. On July 7th, I touched the tiny casket holding sweet Suzy Ruth and told her through tears that I loved her and couldn’t wait to meet her. My eight-month-old baby girl waved when they put little Suzy, her cousin, in the ground saying her goodbyes.
That grief gripped me so tightly for her precious little life but gripped my brother and sister-in-law so much harder. They had been trying to get pregnant and this was their first child. As a new mom, I could only imagine the amount of pain they were both in and still are experiencing after this stillbirth.
Six years ago, I lost my dad to cancer. He had already beat it once but it relentlessly came back to a different area of his body. We didn’t know why or how he got it, it never made sense because it was lung cancer, but it still happened nonetheless. He never gave up fighting to stay alive and tried all options to be there for his two girls.
It was killing me to see how much pain he was in and to see a once strong, athletic man turn into a weak skeleton of his former self at the age of 49. He was beginning to go in and out of consciousness a couple of weeks before he passed. Out of nowhere, he started asking, “do you believe”?
My uncle was in the room at the time but I was resting in the other room, overhearing the whole commotion. My dad asked a little louder “do you believe” until my uncle responded in a more spirited response “yes I believe”! The last words that my dad ever spoke were “I believe” that night. The next day he was in a comatose state that remained until we held his hand as he breathed his last breath on earth.
The grief I experienced is difficult to put into words. It kept coming back in waves at random times to jab a knife into my heart. I had a friend who introduced my sister and me to a song called f*** cancer, which was not music I normally listened to. No doubt it expressed my feelings towards something I truly came to despise but even that song brought me so much pain, I couldn’t bear to listen to it.
At every wedding I attend, I can’t stand to watch the father-daughter dance. I have to look away in tears knowing I never will get the chance to do that with my father. I recently had a sweet baby girl and got to introduce her to her gramps, that she will never know, at his graveside. It was a bittersweet moment, to say the least.
Ultimately you may be wondering where my belief lies and I’ll be transparent with you. As a Christian, I believe we are spiritual beings and that there is life after death. I have hope that I will meet my niece for the first time and reunite with my dad in heaven. That brings me peace and comfort in place of overwhelming despair and depression.
My point in sharing this is to bring hope to hurting hearts and to simply present the idea that death is not the end. It’s up to each individual to find out and study for themselves about this life and what happens afterward.
If you are experiencing grief in any capacity, the journey to healing can be very painful but with each passing day, the agonizing sting will begin to fade and only sweet memories will remain. For me, the cloud of grief’s darkness turned into a ray of hope, but it took time. I still remember the ones that are no longer here but know I will be reunited with them someday. Hope takes the sting out of death!
